The House of Belonging

 Every Sunday I look forward to reading Maria Shriver's Sunday Paper. The purpose of this online newsletter is to " inspire hearts and minds, move humanity forward, live your wildly authentic life." Each week she writes an essay "I've Been Thinking" , which has been difficult for her in recent weeks because of all the heartbreaking events in our world. 

The newsletter also has interviews, book recommendations, recipes, and articles of interest. She always ends her newsletter with a poem. One poem she posted yesterday really resonated with me.

I love the last two lines. " There is no house like the house of belonging." I live in a house of belonging. I ask friends and family to come visit, I host dinners here, and I have surrounded myself with all the things I love. It is a small house, but it suits me just fine, It is my place of adult aloneness. 

I live with a dog and a cat.  I spend a lot of time alone and I find peace in the aloneness. Friends and family are close when I want companionship. I do miss my husband every day. I am blessed that he taught my how to embrace a well-lived life.

This is my house of belonging. I have worked diligently the last seven years to create a house that is surrounded inside and out with all the things I love in life. I definitely belong here.

You can find The Sunday Paper here.

Woman Who Loves Gardening

 

I wrote this poem in June of 2007. Reading it again today brought back memories of gardening with Everett at Martin Creek. Enjoy!

Woman Who Loves Gardening

I have dirty nails

and rarely paint them, living out

my long growing season in the flower garden, trellises

giving view to clematis, climbing Peace

where aromatic flowers

grow in profusion.

I pull the weeds

in the early morning

gritting my teeth

wiping sweat from my brow

and listening

to footsteps of my husband

coming in range to help.

Sun makes my face red;

each sniff with my nose

leaves lily pollen behind.

When I rest it’s the beauty

that causes anxiety to shake loose

from a woman in need

of a quiet place to retreat.

Christy Woolum

June 20,2007

I first posted this poem in April of 2019. I read it again tonight and it reminded me how much my sister has given me, especially in the last few years. My dear sweet husband Everett got sick and spent a lot of time in the hospital. After four weeks of working to get better, he closed his eyes, said good-bye and went to heaven. My sister was there for me. She was there while he was in the hospital, She was there to take care of Riley. She made me meals. Tasks emerged as I adjusted to life alone. She helped me move furniture, plant seeds, got me out of the house, made me laugh, and listened to me as I shared my sorrow. Along with others she made his Celebration of Life just what I wanted.She was my sunshine when I was surrounded by the dark. I am blessed to have my sister Carol.

My Sister, My Friend

Leann Stiegman

To me you are an angel in disguise.
Full of intuition, you are intelligent and wise.
Always giving and helping through good times and bad.
You are the best friend I've ever had.
If I had one wish, it would surely be
To give you as much as you've given to me.
Though I've put our relationship through some cloudy days,
You've been my sunshine in so many ways.
Through trials and tests, right by me you stood,
And you gave me your hand whenever you could.
Thank you so much, my sister, my friend.
My gratitude for you has no end.

Remember Me

The poem today is dedicated to my husband Everett. I can hear him reading the lines in my mind . He was my vase for the bouquets I created. When I wanted to photograph one, a bouquet turned out better if he held them in his hands. I miss my favorite vase JEJ every day.

Remember Me

by Anthony Dowson

Speak of me as you have always done.
Remember the good times, laughter, and fun.

Share the happy memories we've made.
Do not let them wither or fade.

I'll be with you in the summer's sun
And when the winter's chill has come.

I'll be the voice that whispers in the breeze.
I'm peaceful now, put your mind at ease.

I've rested my eyes and gone to sleep,
But memories we've shared are yours to keep.

Sometimes our final days may be a test,
But remember me when I was at my best.

Although things may not be the same,
Don't be afraid to use my name.

Let your sorrow last for just a while.
Comfort each other and try to smile.

I've lived a life filled with joy and fun.
Live on now, make me proud of what you'll become.

Happy Sibling Day to My Sibs, " We Came Together"

Easter at 516

This poem is a perfect choice for National Sibling Day. It reminds me of when families get together and share stories.  The line I love is "it pulls around us like a drawstring, that time, when we come together." This often happens with us now when we get together for our weekly family dinner. Also, enjoy a collection of sibling photos. 

Eagle watching at Beauty Bay

All

all he would have to say is,

remember the time I came home

with a beard and Dad didn’t know me,

and we would all laugh,

Mom would say, just by your voice,

I knew your voice, and my sister

would say, the dog kept barking, and

I would say, that was the

summer I got a camera.

it pulls around us

like a drawstring, that time,

when we come together,

awkward and older,

our frayed conversations

trying to thread some memory

of each other,

one of us will only have to say,

remember the time you came home

from the bush with your beard,

and we were all easy again

with each other,

some will say how

Mom knew his voice, someone

will remember how the dog barked, I

will remember my new camera,

and we are a family again,

young and laughing on the front porch.

-Leona Gom 

At Grandma Woolum's yard with CheeChee

With us we remember the time Bill took Carol down the escalator at The Crescent in Northtown in her stroller.

We remember the time Uncle Jack jumped out from behind the couch in our living room.

We remember when Carol decided to shave and when she decided to cut her bangs.

We remember Dad spending eight hours in the kitchen making Tom and Jerry batter before Christmas and we were banned from the room.

We remember the time Bill and I were cleaning the garage and he cut his foot on a broken pop bottle.

We remember when Carol was born and we hiked up the trail to the hospital so we could see her in the nursery .

dinner at Carol's

We remember how we came together . 

We came together with Mom to help Dad during his last weeks of life. 

We came together when Mom had cancer. 

We came together with Mom when Bill had meningitis. 

We came together to cheer and support Carol many times when she performed on the stage. 

together at Auntie Lila's funeral

We came together during the last part of Mom's life when she needed more help. 

We came together when Mom transitioned to the rehab place across the street and did all we could to make her last time on earth as comfortable as possible.  

We came together when my husband Everett died. 

We had words that always made us laugh when posing for a picture. Here I believe we said, "Uncle D".

 

"it pulls around us like a drawstring, that time, when we came together."

Hydrangea in Everett's Hand

 

I love white hydrangeas, especially the Annabella pictured above. This picture is a favorite of mine with my dear Everett holding the bloom. I remember him coming outside and me wanted him to hold the bloom so I could capture a image. The shirt he happened to have on was so perfect as a background. My poem today celebrating National Poetry Month captures the images I love about this flower.

White Hydrangea

White Hydrangeas dance
We observe the clouds of fresh dopamine
Wisping ribbons of scarlet frequencies
That we sense with our mind, body, or soul?
For, we do not know
They swirl around the cord that connects us
Travelling through roots. Travelling up stems.
Tunnel systems for the heart’s perception?
For, we do not know
The voice of cotton is a lullaby
Soft to the touch, warm to the heart, and ears;
Children laugh, children love, children play in
Fields of cotton scented White Hydrangea

Corrina Mae

The Red and Black Buffalo Plaid Blanket

When Everett first was moved to Kootenai Health on October 31, 2020 he tested positive for Covid. That meant isolation for ten days. Thankfully he never showed any symptoms. I was devastated when I learned I couldn't see him. I drove over to the Hallmark shop across the street to purchase cards that could be delivered to him. 

I saw a display of beautiful blankets. The red and black buffalo plaid blanket caught my eye. Surely they would allow a blanket in his room. When we talked later I asked him if he liked his gift. He said, "Nice pajamas!". I explained it was a blanket, which he was excited about.

When he was moved to a regular room the blanket came with him. When he was transferred to Shoshone Medical Center the blanket traveled with him in the ambulance. The blanket is a symbol of Everett's last month of life. He fought hard to get better. He would snuggle with the blanket when he sat in a chair by the window waiting for Riley to visit at the window. 

It was part of the display honoring Everett at his celebration of life.

It is Riley's favorite blanket also when he lays at my feet.

It was part of our Christmas card last year. 

It will soon be part of our new Christmas card.

If you drive by my house you see this same red and black buffalo plaid as part of the decor outside to honor Everett. I think red and black buffalo plaid is my new favorite color!

Riley Learning to Wait

A few weeks ago a friend told me how much she enjoys seeing Riley in the window when she drives by. She asked me if I thought he was still looking for Everett. I had never thought about it. 

It was a confusing time for Riley last November. Everett wasn't home. I was gone frequently driving to the hospital in CdA and coming back and forth from the hospital in Kellogg. People reached out to help Riley.  He did a sleepover at Carol and Paul's. He enjoyed runs with Paul to go see Everett through the hospital window. He went and enjoyed quiet time and classical music with my brother Bill. He also spent many days at home waiting for us to come home.

Riley was a trooper. He was well-behaved and I never found destruction when I returned home. He was always so excited to see me. All of us that are pet owners often wish we knew what our animals were thinking. What was Riley thinking when Everett never came home? What did he think when I appeared sad when I came home?

I know this. He loved sleeping next to me on Everett's side of the bed. He wanted to lie at my feet when I arrived home. 

He gave me love and support during that month of November when I needed it most. He sat by me when I cheered on the Zags. When Everett left us on November 30th I could tell Riley missed him. We both miss him every day.

Everett's Memory Garden

Everett's Memory Garden in late summer.

 When Mom died my sister and I wanted to divide or dig up plants brother Bill might not want in Mom's garden beds. Mom had dug up plants from Grandma Woolum's garden and she got starts from other gardens. She also had plants gifted to her by family members. When I discussed with Everett where we should put these plants, he came up with the memory garden idea. He build the raised bed to match the others and Mom's Memory Garden is right out my window to remember Mom by. It has flourished and is one of my favorite gardens.

Mom's Memory Garden in late summer.

The first gift was a rose "Walking on Sunshine" from my P.E.O. sisters.

When Everett died it was late fall last year. I didn't even think about a memory garden for him. As gifts came in, many sent money or purchased a plant in his memory. That was when I began to plan his memory garden. During the winter I pondered where I would place it and what plants I would use. When spring arrived, I had a plan. I knew I would include roses, his favorite flower. 

My brother-in-law delivered the tub and filled it with garden soil.

I decided to use another galvanized container like the two that came from Mom's . I purchased a round tub. I knew I wanted mostly perennials, but also some annual flowers for pops of color all summer.  I also ordered a personalized stone to honor him.  I chose some plants, others were gifts. 

Everett was always fascinated with these solar light water cans. It was a perfect addition to the garden.

The garden flourished with very little care. The variety of flowers blooms up until frost and it provided a beautiful container of color in the corner of the yard.

When the annuals came out recently, I added two other plants. I planted tulips to bloom in the spring and lilies to add color in the summer. They are two of his favorites.  Now the garden is ready to for winter. I look forward to watching it flourish next year.

Putting the Gardens to Bed for Winter

 

Everett's Memory Garden is cleaned up and ready for winter.

Tonight I have a sore muscles and my hands are chapped. I came in covered with dirt and was cold. Then I discovered the power was off. No hot shower yet.  That didn't diminish my feeling of accomplishment. I finally got all my fall garden chores done and am ready to spread compost on all my beds and put them to bed for winter.

I filled the troughs with the already used potting soil from my hanging baskets. This trough is now planted with lilies and tulips for next spring and summer.

Perennials to winter over. 

I began to plan a new perennial garden in the back corner of the yard. I purchased plants when they were all fifty percent off. They are planted in the raised bed for the winter.

The chives will stay over the winter.

Lots of weeds were pulled !

It was a difficult growing year. I missed Everett's encouragement, jokes, and companionship. I learned how to do many chores by myself. I did have help with heavy lifting, mowing,and clean up. Then the hot weather came. I had to rearrange all my containers to keep them alive. Then came to smoke from the wildfires. It was frustrating when the smoke was so bad I couldn't go outside. 

Until the wind came up today it was such a pleasant day to work outside.

Riley was there to support me each and every day I worked on my fall chores. He reached his limit today. This is Riley giving me the ,"It's time to go for a run" look! Since the power was out we went for a run and I charged my phone and got warmed up in the car. Then I got a text from my brother informing me the power was back on. Whew! Hot shower and heating pad were waiting at home.