Sibling Assignment #156: Hearts, Flowers, and Good Old-Fashioned Love

Sister Carol gave the sibling assignment this week which was timely for Valentine week-end. "Think back to celebrating Valentine's Day in elementary school, and share about any memory or memories you may have from one or more of those celebrations, and how it made you feel." Bill posted his here  and Carol here.Like brother Bill, I am going to "go my own way" a bit on this assignment.

Valentine's Day has always been my favorite holiday. When I was in school I loved taking time to pick out special valentines for each classmate on my list each year. I was enthralled with decorating my special valentine box or envelope that sat or hung on my desk. Teachers involved us in creative art projects that included doilies, hearts, and cupids. I found one at my mother's house this week-end, created in second grade.  We sang "Let Me Call You Sweetheart" in music and copied famous love poems in class.

When I  became a teacher I loved the holiday even more.  What was better than a room filled with pink and red art projects, silly love poems,  heart shaped cookies, conversation hearts, decorated envelopes, sappy valentines, and boxes of candy? That time around Valentine's Day was that time when students were so sweet to each other. It was a day everyone was included. Everyone wore smiles on their faces as they carefully read each Valentine. There were blushing faces, shy glances, and laughter. I did sentence writing activities with the goofy sayings on conversation hearts. We created homemade cards that students could take home to their mothers. Good feelings and kind thoughts were in the air.

Outside of school I even love Valentine's Day. When the stores fill with heart shaped boxes of candy I always love observing the older gentleman that carefully picks out the perfect box for his wife. Friday a man pushed his walker up to the card rack at the grocery store and read each card message carefully to find a special one for his wife. I couldn't help but wonder how many times he had done this. I also loved observing the innocent teenage boy shyly asking for help from the worker in the florist department as he attempted to pick the right rose, teddy bear, and balloon. As he exited ahead of me, he seemed to be walking on air.

The best part of Valentine's Day is the explosion of flowers everywhere. It doesn't matter if you walk into the finest florist shop or the gas station convenience store, flowers are everywhere. The colors, arrangements, and scents surround you with a reminder of kind words, a way to show love, and the message that spring is around the corner.

When I returned to my childhood home this week-end I told my own sweetheart not to worry about celebrating ourselves, We focused on Mom with all my favorite Valentine traditions. We carried in an arrangement of flowers, her favorite candy, and a valentine card signed and sealed in love. When family gathered there were more flowers, Red Velvet wine, strawberry dessert, and more valentines, Shelby and Annie even got special valentine treats. The house was brimming with good old-fashioned love and good will. My sister and mom were even dressed in valentine colors.

I can't wait until next year.

Sibling Assignment #155:My Corner of the World

I gave the sibling assignment this week. You find Carol's here and Bill's here. My corner of the world is a beautiful one. Growing up I never traveled north of Spokane on Highway 395. It was not until I interviewed for a job in Inchelium the summer of 1994 that I saw any part of northeastern Washington. Discovering all of it has been pleasant surprise after pleasant surprise.

My corner of the world has a milder climate because we sit close to Lake Roosevelt. Because of the mild climate orchards surround the lake on both sides. In my corner of the world you can find lakes, rivers, streams, evergreens, waterfalls, and amazing views. I have discovered more than I ever expected.

My corner of the world brings the beauty of four seasons. I still love autumn the best, but each season has its own beauty. Today  the winter morning with the foggy mist and sun shining through was pretty.  When spring wildflowers bloom along the back roads there is nothing nicer. The clean lakes shimmering blue in the summer provide an invitation to jump in. Autumn shows a whole palette of new colors with orange, red, and yellow dominating.  Sunrises and sunsets are spectacular.

My corner of the world is quiet. We don't have a lot of traffic. You can visit lakes, campgrounds, and  streams nearby and not be overun with people. At night we may hear a dog or two bark or the coyotes further away, but mostly it is the sound of silence. So peaceful.

My corner of the world has helped me heal. The beautiful surroundings,wood fires, the changing seasons, and the quiet space have provided a place for me to fix a broken heart, grieve in quiet, fall in love again, enjoy Sunday drives, and read and write. I can even ride a free ferry.

I love my corner of the world.

Sibling Assignment #154: Please Understand Me

Brother Bill gave the assignment for this week. " Please reflect upon introversion....your own, your experience with introversion.....Carol posted about it...so we can all include what we've read.....whatever you'd like to do...but focus on introversion and your own experience as an introvert ." You can find his here and Carol's here.

In the mid-eighties I jumped on the self-help/personality tests/ please understand me bandwagon. My friend Tracy and I used to head to our favorite bookstore The Bookworm in Kennewick on a Saturday and the owners would laugh and point us to the self-help section. We always said it made us healthier just to stand in that section of the store.
 We had get-togethers where we took the Keirsey and Bates test then all analyzed each other. We even discussed the book Please Understand Me at book group! We found other personality tests to dig deeper into "who we were." I dusted off my old copy this morning with the stamp from The Bookworm still inside. I found test result sheets inside that family members had taken at some gathering. 

Why did we do this ? Some of us were searching and trying to figure out who we were. I was trying to be a person I really wasn't.  I wanted to be a ENFJ (Extrovert, Intuition, Feeling, Judging). Maybe there was a time in my life that I was that person. Not now.
Switch the E to I. I am an introvert that often is put in a world that requires extroversion. 
I am an introvert that thought the "cool kids" were the extroverts. I am an introvert that hung out with loud, gregarious extroverts and wanted to be just like them.

Slowly things began to change. I began spending much more time alone with reading, thinking, writing, and just being.  I didn't like to answer the phone. I would travel alone.
  When I was thrown into an extroverted role, I could do it and enjoyed it, but often paid the price. I was exhausted, and sometimes needed a long nap or quiet time to recuperate. 

For an introvert that leads a life away from required meetings, workshop presenting, inservices, teaching, speaking engagements, and required social gatherings, they don't understand how taxing it can be for an introvert placed in the position of doing all this. A wise counselor led me to the activities I enjoy now which include gardening, writing, photography, and creating to help me balance my life in an extroverted world.
These are all things I could do alone and stay the course until a task was done. It
helped my anxiety. It  pulled me out of depression.

I wanted to like health clubs, exercise classes, Superbowl parties with fifty people, a cruise,or a group camping adventure. I did it over and over in my younger days and would still do it, but know I would need down time afterwards. Now I am much more content watching the Superbowl with my husband today, walking alone or with him, camping together without too many other people, and enjoying silence every day as I wander around and snap photos.

One of the things that defines an introvert is the idea of having a smaller group of close friends rather than lots and lots of acquaintances. Now I understand why I surround myself with a group of people in which I have deep, lasting relationships.Please understand me. I am an introvert.

Sibling Assignment #152: To Be of Use

Sister Carol gave the Sibling Assignment this week:

"Write about something that you realized about Mom when you were an adult, that didn't occur to you when you were a child growing. " You can read brother Bill's post here and sister Carol's is here

As my mother's birthday comes to an end today, it is fitting to reflect on this assignment and remember Mom when I was a child and now.

Mom has always worked, and worked hard. Dad worked hard also. I grew up surrounded by people that worked hard. When I was in first grade Mom was raising two children, cooking breakfast for Dad each day before he went to work, then she packed his lunch, taught second grade all day, came home and prepared homemade dinners, corrected papers, did lesson plans, designed art projects, took night classes, volunteered at church, was a member of PTA, ironed, did laundry, went to Little League games, and cleaned house.
Soon my baby sister arrived. Fortunately we had Mrs. Price come to the house so part of Mom's burden was lifted a bit as she babysat Carol and did some domestic work also. When I was growing up I thought this is what mothers did. Didn't every mother doze after dinner and then wake up, be revived and work a few more hours before bedtime?  I remember how shocked I was when a friend told me her mom slept in and read books in bed all day. What? I don't even remember my mom sleeping in.
When I began teaching there never seemed to be enough hours in the day to plan, teach, do grading, plus take classes and I didn't have children. I suddenly had a new appreciation for my mom and her amazing work ethic. I was continually reminded that all Moms weren't my mom. That work ethic stuck with me though. Unfortunately it can be an enemy also. I became driven to do more, work harder, accomplish all that I could do. That is what Mom did. That was how I was raised.
Did things slow down after Mom retired from teaching? No sir. That energy went into caretaking her mother and mother-in-law, gardening, canning, being a grandmother,being there for Dad during his losing battle with cancer, volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, serving on the Library Board, and being active in Retired Educators.
It is what my mom does.  She continues to work and work hard as her body allows. Yesterday she was making homemade soup for the family for dinner. She did pause to enjoy some birthday cake, but then dishes were loaded and the floor was cleaned. When I first read this poem I thought of Mom. What I like so much about Piercy's poem is how she honors these type of people. I honor my mother today on her 84th birthday. She has always "harnessed herself."

To be of use by Marge Piercy

The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who stand in the line and haul in their places,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

"To be of use" by Marge Piercy © 1973, 1982.
From CIRCLES ON THE WATER © 1982 by Alfred A. Knopf, Inc. and Middlemarsh, Inc.
First published in Lunch magazine. Used by permission of Wallace Literary Agency.

Sibling Writing Assignment #151: What Leaves and What Remains

My sister, brother, and I agreed to bring our Sibling Writing Assignment feature back to our blogs. One of us gives an assignment each week, we individually post on the topic, then link the others. You can find Carol's here and Bill's here. Here is the topic for this week: 
" As we wind down from another holiday season with family reflect on how the celebrating has changed over the years." 

When I arrived to my childhood home before Christmas this year I what had left and what surely remains. Even with my brother doing a long term visit at my mother's house, one tradition that couldn't be pulled off this year, because of time and man/woman power was the hanging of the outside lights. I still loved the way the lights inside glowed warmly as they beckoned me to my Mom's house, but the outside lights were missing. I noticed it, but it didn't concern me.

When I entered the house there were many things that still remained. The angels and nativity scene were on TV console. The holiday cards were hanging on the mirror. the tree was filled with so many traditional ornaments that carried stories and memories. Santas and elves were everywhere. Homemade popcorn balls were wrapped and waiting in gift bags, the cookies were stored on the table, my favorite fruitcake nestled in the refrigerator.  

The frenzy, anxiety, and stress of the holiday season had mostly left the house. Our goal was to make Christmas a bit simpler, more relaxed, low key. Mom had worked for weeks preparing food, baking sweets, arranging traditional food gifts, decorating, and cleaning. She had a good helper with my brother,but when I arrived we wanted everything to slow down. Mom was worn out, Her spirit and drive were alive and well, but some new pain was keeping her from doing all that she loves to do.

It was much better slowing things down. We focused on relaxing and doing less. We moved the family meals to my sister's house to take stress off of Mom. We still began each day with coffee and the news, we scrambled on our smartphones and laptops to answer burning questions Mom had about news, famous people, and things she wanted to purchase. We ended each day with Christmas drinks like eggnog and Brandy Alexanders. 

Here is the reality. Our family is aging. We are learning our limits. Some of these lessons are slow to be learned, but that is okay. This holiday season went down as one of the best ever.

Breaking Hibernation

Winter break is coming to a close. My first week was spent cooking, talking, reading, movie watching, solitaire playing, crossword puzzle helping, lots of listening, napping, shopping, toasting, eating, and eating some more. I was at my mother's house in Kellogg celebrating Christmas with family.

My second week was spent in hibernation. I understand that whole mama bear thing in winter. I would love to wait to come out again in spring, but without the cubs and the extra bulk. My hibernation has included attempting to master Candy Crush Saga, reading, watching movies, taking down the Christmas and putting up the winter decor, writing, a bit of cleaning, organizing, and binge Law and Order watching. I enjoyed quiet time with Everett, the dogs, and the cats. I never left the house except to fill bird feeders, take photos, and do garden walks. Anne Morrow Lindbergh and I were on the same page on this one.

"Perhaps I am a bear, or some hibernating animal underneath, for the instinct to be half asleep all winter is so strong in me"  Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Being greeted by students tomorrow morning will break that hibernation just like that. I may need some extra coffee and a nap at lunchtime, but I will survive.