Top Ten Things That Put Me Over the Edge During the Holiday Season

10. Missing recipe ingredients. I stuck the poppy seeds in a tin on the shelf in the hall last December, knowing I only use them once a year for the Poppy Seed Lemon Bread. As I am mixing the first ingredients this year I discover the tin went to charity three weeks ago.
9. Cat gone bad. After spending two years being perfectly content as a sweet, well-behaved cat Isabelle discovered being a BAD CAT was more exciting and that lots of white tissue paper can tear easily and make a lovely new nesting spot on the guest room bed.
8. Blooming Christmas plants. Enough said. The amaryllis has not even come out of the dirt yet.
7. Nontraditional nativity scenes. I found my nativity set in the Sears Wish Book as a child. I still have it. Mary and Joseph are people. They kneel near the Baby Jesus. I cannot wrap my brain around nativities comprised of woodland bears, trolls, snow people, or Disney characters. I don’t want an angel with buggy eyes and a shock of rainbow hair that stands on end. Three Wise Frostys? No.
6. Nutritional labels on tins of Danish Butter Cookies. Once a year I crave those buttery delights. I want them without the info on bad fats, calories, or amount of sodium. Take away the low fat, sugar free, organic version stored in a recycled, environmentally sensitive container. I’ll take one cheap holiday decorated tin filled with the butter cookies that contain sugar, sodium, bad fat, and yellow dye.
5. Ornament hooks sold out. How can those little hooks that cost about fifty cents be sold out in a local One Stop Shopping store? Were they part of the Door Buster sales on Black Thursday?

4. A Christmas tree getting knocked over. Name a family that hasn’t experienced this. 3. Three words: Candy cane flavors. Remember picking out candy canes and the only choices you had were Bob’s original candy canes in red and green box? Now each season I feel like I am buying food at a carnival with flavors like cotton candy, bubble gum, and hot buttered popcorn. Please! Just give me my red and white peppermint candy canes in the red chimney box.
2. Three words again: Broken candy canes. Every year I hear people of all ages whine “Oh… this candy cane is broken. Can I have another one?” Do they have a different taste? Do they digest differently? Are calories added as they break? Taking a deep breath I hold out the box and sweetly inquire,”Would you like Strawberry Starburst, Blue Raspberry, Grape Crush, or Sour Patch Green?”
1. Holiday stamps sold out last year. The local post office worker carefully explained that all varieties of the 2006 Christmas stamp series were sold out. “We have a nice Dr. Jonas Salk stamp,” she replied calmly. My mind began racing. Let’s see- a red Sharpie, a little Santa hat on Jonas. What could hurt? “I’ll take fifty!” I announced gleefully.